The Plan to Confuse Raine REMASTERED
by Mega Mario
Summary: A rewrite of my very first fanfiction. It has improved dialouge, additional dialouge, and even an alternate ending.


Kody: "Dear lord man…"

Ryan: "Its been a year... MORE than a year since you wrote anything."

_**Hey. Give me a break. I haven't been in the mood for writing fanfiction until now.**_

Ryan: "And when you do finally update it's a rewrite of a previous story?"

Kody: "Seems like a cheap cop-out to me."

_**SILENCE!**_ *uses Falcon's Crest*

Kody & Ryan: *take 9999 damage*

_**Ahem. Now then. Tales of Symphonia and all associated characters and locations belong to Namco. One of the characters who appears briefly near the end belongs to Nintendo. Please enjoy the story. … Man, that sounded professional.**_

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The Plan to Confuse Raine _REMASTERED_

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One day at Dirk's House...

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"Blah blah blah blah blah blah (ect. ect. ect.)" Raine, well, blahed.

While Raine is blahing, she does not notice that her listeners are huddled in the corner, plotting against her.

"Man, I hate it when the Professor gives long lectures like this," Lloyd complained.

"I must agree with you, Lloyd," Regal said, "It seems there can be such a thing as too much knowledge."

"Boredness levels of this room's occupants are 100 percent," Presea computed, "We must do something to make her stop."

Suddenly, a lightbulb appears over Genis' head (just like in the game), "Hey, I've got an idea," he stated.

"Really? You must be so proud of yourself," Zelos said sarcastically.

"Fireball!"

"Not the face!" Zelos cried, shielding his face with his arms, "It it the GREATEST in Tethe'alla."

"Anyways," Genis continued, "I was thinking we could act differently from the way we normally do. Try to confuse her. For example... Lloyd could pretend to be smart."

"What?" Colette... er... what-ed, "If Lloyd isn't smart, then pigs can fly!"

Meanwhile, in Iselia, the mayor was standing on the cliff above his house, wearing a pair of plastic wings. He takes a few steps backwards and then runs toward the edge and jumps off. He glides majestically through the air (well, as majestically a balding fat man with a poor fashion sense can) for a short while before crashing into Colette's house. Inside, Frank and Phaidra raise an eyebrow at the noise, but otherwise ignore it.

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Back at Dirk's House

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"Oooookay..." Sheena says after reading the above paragraph, "That was random."

"Moving on. Colette, act really violent. Sheena, pretend to be a rabid Zelos fangirl. Presea, act really hyper. Zelos, pretend to not like girls. Regal, pretend to be really clumsy like Colette. Kratos do or say something funny." Genis says in a single breath.

"Are you certain this will work?" Kratos inquired, obviously skeptical of the plan.

"Positive. I've thought it through. It can't fail!" Genis responded.

"Hmph. If you say so..." Kratos replied, still unsure.

"I know! I'll act insane!" Lloyd said, eager to set the plan in motion.

"That'll work," Genis responded, "Alright, on the count of three, start! One... two..."

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah-" Raine continued.

"...three!" Genis finished, then proceeded to act evil." MUHAHAHAHAHA! I AM GENIS, KING OF ALL EXISTENCE! BOW TO ME PATHETIC MORTALS"

"Bla- WTF?!" Raine shouted, surprised at her brother's behavior.

"You are no king of all existence." Kratos said, sounding bored.

"Tomato!" Genis shouted as he brandished one of the afore-mentioned fruits. Or are they vegetables? I dunno.

"AHHHH! TOMATO BAD FOR KRATOS!" Kratos yelled, although he wasn't going along with the plan. He was genuinely afraid of the fruit/vegetable/whatever-the-heck-it-is.

"OMG, ZELOS!" Sheena blurted out, deciding to go along with the plan.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Zelos shouts as he ducks behind a nearby table to hide.

"Err... is everone feeling well?" Raine questioned with a o_O expression on her face.

Lloyd walks up to Presea holding a plate of spaghetti and says, "My boy... er, girl, this dinner is what all true warriors strive for!"

"What're ya, stupid?" Presea asked in her usual monotone, though with an extremely out-of-character grin on her face.

"YOU! BLONDE ONE! BOW TO ME!" Genis commanded as he randomly turned his attention away from Kratos and toward Colette.

"NEVER! FOR I AM THE TRUE RULER OF ALL EXISTANCE!" Colette shouted, looking evil and incredibly out of character.

"NO! I AM THE QUEEN OF ALL EXISTANCE!" Sheena roared, randomly turning her attention away from Zelos.

"We shall see about that!" Colette replied as she lept at Sheena and they started pummeling each other.

"Catfight! Catfight! Catfight!" Kratos chanted, finally going along with the plan.

"Tomato!" Genis yelled, turning his attention back to Kratos.

Genis grabs the plate of spaghetti (loaded with tomato sauce) from Lloyd and throws it at Kratos.

"AHHHH!" Kratos screams as he ducks, just barely managing to avoid the noodles.

"HI!" Presea monotones loudly (Is that even possible?) as she shoves Regal to the ground.

"AHH! Somebody help me up!" Regal cried as he began to roll around on the floor.

"QUACK! QUACK! CA-CAW! CA-CAW! CA-CAW! SCRAWK!" Lloyd cried, imitating various birds. He was apparently having a lot of fun.

Genis grabs an armful of tomatoes and charges toward Kratos, who promptly flees. Meanwhile, Regal is still rolling on the floor. He gets a little too close to Colette and Sheena, who are still fighting, and he is thrown at the table Zelos is hiding under, thus knocking it over and hurting both of them.

"Zelos! There you are!" Sheena cries, ceasing her fight with Colette and tackling Zelos.

"NO! IT BURRRRRNS!" Zelos cries (I use that verb a lot, huh?) in a rather Ganon-esque manner.

"I... I feel faint..." Raine says, and promptly passes out on the floor.

Suddenly, Ganon [(C) Nintendo] jumps through the window!

"DIE." He says before leaving as suddenly as he entered.

Everyone noticed that Raine had passed out (though they completely ignored Ganon), but they didn't care. All of them (err, well, most of them) were having too much fun.

So, let's review what's going on. Lloyd got bored pretending to be a bird, so now he is dancing while wearing his underwear on his head and his boots on his hands. Colette is ordering around Regal, who is still trying to get up. Kratos is cowering in the corner as Genis tortures him in various ways using tomatoes. Sheena is hugging Zelos, who would be enjoying it more if she wasn't cutting off his circulation. Presea is running around swinging her axe in random directions. And Raine is unconsious in the middle of the floor. All of a sudden, Dirk returns home from whereever he had been for most of the day.

"Eh? What's this?" He says in his Dwarven accent, "No one wrecks my home and gets away with it!"

He brandishes a sword made out of pure boloney and starts attacking everyone with it.

"Boloney Fang! Fierce Boloney Fang! Boloney Circle!" Dirk yells the names of his Techs as he uses them.

He jumps back toward the door as a rope lowers from the ceiling next to him.

"**_Behold the ultimate Dwarven weapon!_**" He shouts as his voice gets all echo-y.

A close-up picture of his face appears onscreen briefly as he pulls the rope.

"**_DWARVEN POTLUCK SURPRISE!_**" He yells as everyone who is not him is pelted with the soup that has God-knows-what in it.

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THE END!

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- Lloyd obtained the title of 'Drool Monkey' ! - (Title given to one who is a total idiot.)

- Colette obtained the title of 'Violent Girl' ! - (You once pretended to be evil. A catfight ensued.)

- Genis obtained the title of 'Fear the Tomato!' ! - (You exploited your friend's fear for your own amusement.)

- Kratos obtained the title of 'Tomatophobic' ! - (Title given to he who is afraid of tomatoes.)

- Sheena obtained the title of 'Fangirl' ! - ("I was just acting, I swear! I never want to touch that guy again unless I'm punching him!")

- Presea obtained the title of 'Monotonous Loudmouth' ! - (Is it even possible to yell in a monotone?)

- Zelos obtained the title of 'Proto-Guy' ! - (Even though it was only acting, your fear of women reminds me of someone...)

- Regal obtained the title of 'Clumsy Oaf' ! - ("It's rather hard to stand up while wearing these shackles.")

- Dirk obtained the title of 'Dwarven Punisher' ! - (When playing with a dwarf, you do not pass go, you do not collect 200 dollars. Infact, you'd be lucky to even make it out alive.)

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_**So, how was that? Personally, I think its a major improvement over the original. Summer vacation's coming up in only a few more days, so perhaps you can expect more updates from me. Maybe. Possibly. ... Okay, don't count on it.**_

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